So, here is my time to come out to those of you who don’t know.
I am now divorced.
It’s actually been awhile but I haven’t felt the need to talk about it publicly for a variety of reasons. I have been reflecting on myself and the whole process of divorce and have jotted some stuff down throughout the year. Here it goes…
- Accept emotional roller coasters.
- Trust your intuitions about relationships. If something doesn’t feel right, it’s most likely not. It really does take two people for a marriage to work.
- Realize and try to accept that all issues may not be resolved. Life doesn’t always resolve with tidy bows on them.
- Forgiveness is a daily practice.
- Divorce affects more relationships than just you and your spouse. More relationships are affected than you will know.
- Divorce especially sucks if you liked your spouses family.
- When people ask, try and talk only about what you did wrong, not what your spouse did.
- If you can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all. Sometimes this means being in the same room and not talking.
- Families tend to rally around their own. It’s natural for family to want to defend their family member and place blame on the other.
- No matter how much I want to justify myself, I am also to blame.
- Take one for the team if you have children. This means having to push things aside for the sake of your children.
- Children suffer the most. They are the ones who have to travel from house to house.
- Mourning takes a while. Let it.
(Quick Disclaimer: I recognize that every divorce is different. These were notes I wrote to myself and do not mean for them to be universal in their application. I wrote myself these notes to remind myself of my own ideals.)